Getting To Know Me

Before continuing with my story I want to share with you about me. This year was my 60th birthday. 40 of those years were devoted to raising my six children. Heath and fittness is very important to me. I raised my children on fresh, unprocessed foods and ground grains fresh for homemade whole grain breads, muffins, cakes etc. We only used honey and there was no white sugar or flour in our house. No drugs were used in my home. That means no asprin, no antibiotics nor over the counter or prescription medications. I made everything from scratch besides bread was home made yogurt from raw milk and "green drink"
All but one of my children were born naturally with no drugs. The last three were born at home. My youngest child, Michael, was born at home without the doctor.
My passion for "natural living" came from my Mother, Grandparents and Aunts.
Over twenty years ago I experimented with some tie-dyeing that developed into the clothing business I have now. R.A.D.Rags. The pictures on my clothing website ( www.baddragz.com ) of me were taken early this year. Pictures of this year's additional styles did not get on my website.
The purpose for writing my story is to connect with others, who, like me, feel alone in their struggles.
Now the kids are grown and gone. I am alone and my mind is still prisoner to the programs innocently installed into my head by my parents while growing up with my crippled brother born with spina-bifida. The depression and dissapiontment I suffer daily I hope to spare other siblings of handicaps as their parents read my story of tragidy and saddness to see how these programs in my head caused choices that led me to sabatage my happiness, my finances, my peace, security, and sanity.
A parent of a handicapped child can either empower both the nonhandicapped and the handicapped child to live their full potential. They can instill self worth and value into them for life. Or, like what happened to me, they can make cripples of both the handicapped and the non handicapped for life.
You will see through out each stage of my life, in spite of my efforts to change these destructive patterns in me, I did not. It cost me everything. Maybe my story can spare some who are children now of repeating my tragedy.
The handicapped sibling is a piece of the whole family puzzle that changes the entire family picture. Each parent's own feelings and responses about their handicapped child makes them communicate and interact with us ( the non handicapped children) in a way that either strengthens or crushes us. in my case my father's dissappointment and grief toward my brother, Benjamin, caused him to crush me. It was too much pressure on me to make up for the loss he felt in his oldest son. I was not able to fill that loss for him and the burden was one I have not shaken to this day. I beg any parent of a handicapped child to see the non hadicapped child for who he/she is and not to make them fill your own personal void.
We all MUST change our lives, disregard our own feelings, needs and desires as children while growing up with our handicapped sibbling. For me, not learning a different way has resulted in disaster and great losses in my adult life.
I hope in my story parents who are raising these very special handicapped children will remember their other children still have needs in order to grow up whole and balanced.
Till next time. I have so much more to share and am eager to hear from other adult siblings of the handicapped.
Susan